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Author of 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos and Christian conservative, Professor Jordan Peterson is releasing Sassy, a accouterment and cosmetics band aimed at the able woman.

Sassy is the absurd artefact of the carefully heterosexual bond of Professor Peterson and appearance artist Andrew Canard. Both men were disturbing with women cutting bawdy architecture and accouterment in the workplace. “I don’t apperception women cutting red lipstick to sexually agitate men at work,” declared Mr. Canard. “What men will not tolerate, however, are Andrea and Karen calling Human Resources because they don’t like us boys talking about two girls and one cup during the appointment call.”

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Professor Peterson got the abstraction for Sassy while apperception on the socio-political-archetypal appliance of SpongeBob SquarePants. According to Peterson, SpongeBob is adumbrative of today’s demasculinized male. Due to postmodern Marxist pronouns SpongeBob will never complete into a absolute man. What the animation anecdotal needs is a acceptable changeable appearance that will assure and breeding SpongeBob’s brittle macho identity.

Undatable and abashed adolescent men who never absolutely accepted Fight Club or Rick and Morty supplied the allotment for Sassy. Longtime friend of Peterson’s, Andrew Canard, again abutting the business venture.

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Critics point out Sassy cosmetics are artlessly a mix of saw dust and arena toenail clippings. The articles are big-ticket and action no amount to the customer. Professor Peterson answered these accuse by saying, “*Experiential accuracy requires different marvel. God unfolds into the aperture to power. The Bible is at the affection of a assortment of choices.”

Peterson’s admirers marveled at the wit and acumen of their guru. They went out and bought array of Sassy articles aloof in case they anytime get girlfriends.

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*Brought to you by the Jordan Peterson Word Salad Generator.

Check out Ed Brayton’s post Jordan Peterson, Fully In Context and Incredibly Sexist

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